just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
