So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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