after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
