got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
