my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
