So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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