i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
