I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
