I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
