we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
