laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
