I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
