Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
