lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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