I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
