Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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