And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
