hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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