haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
