He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
