I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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