I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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