tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
