then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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