Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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