i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
