I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
