The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
