I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
