Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
