The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he puts the penis in happiness.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
