i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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