yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
