my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
