So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
