just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my being single is dangerous.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
