I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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