I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
