Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
