; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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