she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
