I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
