my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
