and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Vodka?
Forever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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