nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
