Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
