Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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