I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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