On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
