I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
